Imagine Nothing Hurting

 

We just finished our first 10 day retreat of the year.  It was a small retreat with many beautiful moments and much success for meditators. Although I was a helper in the retreat I deepened my own practice during this time and I got a preview of life without pain.  

I was walking after a long sit, looking at the purple and yellow wildflowers along the trail.  As each thought arose, an image here and there of what might be, the image of the past, a thought here and there, all imagination, I felt the very subtle micro pain that came with each arising - it was the tension as Bhante describes.  I was 6 r ing with each arising, so mindfully.  Nothing that arose felt that there was any reason to delight in it, and in fact there was a subtle level of pain with each arising, it was all imbued with craving.  I was so alert, so aware of the pain that accompanied all of this.  When I reflect back I realize that nothing was getting past me, I recognized the craving for what it was, it did not fool me for a second.  

Another way I could describe this event is that it was as if a big wheel with spokes sticking out was turning with each little spoke tapping against me.  But instead of me getting caught up in any particular spoke, it was immediately let go of.  

This state of alert mindfulness lasted for about two days and I was filled with an incredible joy and wakefulness.  I became also aware of the 4 noble truths with each arising.  

As I was experiencing the little pokes from the wheel, the thought occurred to me that this craving is too great to bear, it is not welcome in me anymore, there is no room for this craving in this being anymore.  I know it will leave, it is just a matter of time.  Hopefully very soon😂.  

I realized in this experience that all pain I felt came from me, nothing outside of me caused my pain and it was a turbulent week - as an illustration let me share some of what happened:  I had to call the police to do a wellness check on my kiddo who has type 1 diabetes and lives alone (by the way she is just fine), and all week I felt tension from other people who were having a hard time.  And yet I could see that when I checked, it was my own craving causing the pain, that without the craving the pain was gone.